astrology · personal

Déjà vu, much?

It’s funny how the Universe brings things full circle… not always in a happy, “ohmygodI’msogladthiscamefullcircle” type way, but sometimes in a way that puts you in your place.  A way that teaches you a lesson and inspires you to reflect.  I haven’t meditated in a few days, perhaps this is a reminder that I need to get back in touch with the Universe.  Nonetheless, I am being shown nonverbally what I’ve been dying to know.

The same way I let someone down is exactly how I was let down in the past…  Excuses coated with sugar with some whipped cream on top.  Everything explained so beautifully and heartwarming that you almost for a second don’t get hurt.  Yeah, don’t let the “dancing around the bushes” fool you; sometimes brutal honesty isn’t as brutal as having someone make you believe you ever had a chance.

Believing you had a semblance of a chance only leads the delusional to assume they could ignite that spark again.  What they don’t know is that even if they had the smallest chance in the world, nothing would change the simple fact that it’s just not gonna happen.  But who wants to say that?  Especially to the delusional!  It just isn’t enough.

The delusional need something to grab on to, they crave hope.  It’s easy to just say what they want to hear so that they’ll “go away.”  But once you open that door to their fantasy, you’re in trouble.  I’m sorry, it’s true, and to take back your word about said fantasy will only lead the delusional to say you’re in denial, or to come up with a multitude of other excuses (you’re going through something, you’re stressed…).

It’s really sad, isn’t it?  Or is it sadder to be the detached soul who cannot feel for anyone and can’t let anyone in?  Let’s bring some astrology into this equation:  My Ascendant is Aquarius.  I have my blips in time where I feel so emotionless that it’s almost frightening.  Actually, correction: it IS frightening.  However, when I fall into the bottomless pit that is my Venus in Pisces and Moon in Scorpio, I am frightened too at the depth of my emotions.

I can safely say I understand both sides and to be so involved with your emotions is a blessing and a curse.  To feel this fairytale romance is spiritual and amazing, when it’s with the right person.  But falling for someone who is unavailable, abusive, detached, problematic, or dangerous?  This is life-threatening.

Honestly I want to toss my emotions out the window at times.  I don’t know what I’d do without them and I’m sure I’d go crazy, but being a full-time Aquarius seems like a stress-free life to me.